Mommy Tears & Fears

When you have a baby, your life is changed for the better in so many incredible ways. We all know this. However, someone should tell you when you have a baby that you will forever have feelings of guilt and that you will only be as happy as your least happy child. Over the past week I've had many of these feelings. Last Friday E's class had a "read in" where parents came in at the end of the day to read with their child. Since we live in a city with no family around I did not have anyone to watch K, A & W to attend this. I called her teacher and told her to talk to E and tell her that I couldn't find a sitter (they are all in class themselves) and that we would do a special "read in" together over the weekend. I was already feeling so guilty and sad about this but when I picked up E she said that she was sad and that there were only a couple of boys that didn't have parents there. Ouch.

We did have our special "read in" together...sitting in my closet in the dark with pillows and blankets and a flashlight and reading an entire chapter book. I don't think it's the same though...I don't think it makes up for it but what am I to do? I also miss fieldtrips which she seems to understand but I would still love to go on them. Then, later that day E ran off to a slumber party for 15 hours without giving me a hug goodbye or even looking back. I am happy to see her having fun but... ouch again.

W became sick over the past weekend and was running a fever Monday night. It is so sad to see your extremely laid back and happy baby not happy and not feeling well. He is doing much better now. Now, A is sick with a high fever. She is such a trooper and being a good sport about it but I feel so badly for her when I see her little face with watery eyes and flushed cheeks.

My intent today is not to write a negative post and complain. I know that there are many other families with much larger worries and that we are some of the lucky ones. Throughout all of this, K has been coming up to me very frequently giving me hugs and saying "Mommy, I love you" and "you're the best mommy in the whole wide world." My intent is to remind myself to cherish all of the time we have together. Also, wondering if anyone out there has any good mommy advice they can post...or maybe someone knows a daytime sitter?

Someone please sign me up for extensive therapy on the day that each of them go off to college... or maybe I'll just book a trip to Hawaii in advance. :) And... please say a prayer that K doesn't catch this illness in time for her 5th birthday party this Saturday.

Because a post is incomplete without pictures, here are a few from the past few weeks.

Who could resist a hug?


K worked so hard on this puzzle. Every state is a different piece.


E introducing W to the lovely world of Baby Mozart.


W is all smiles as usual.


A introducing W to his new penguin toy from Aunt Erin and Uncle Jay.


While I was enjoying sleeping in, R let K give W some of his bottle.